A song from Josh.

Josh wrote a song about me last night while I was at work.
He plays guitar all the time and just recently joined a band with a couple friends of ours.
I couldn't help but wonder, for the longest time, when I would get a song. He finally did it last night. He did a bunch of stuff for me. He cooked, he cleaned, he did this, he did that. I was completely touched by the lyrics. I will have to nab them one of these days so I can post it.
I love him so much.

Oh... my... gawd....

I just found out that one of my best friends, Sarah, is pregnant. Let me rewind a bit and give you some background.
First of all, there was a scare about 4 months back that she was pregnant. She was really excited about it and was making all these plans. Then, about a week later, she got her period. Of course, she was dissapointed. I, on the other hand, was relieved. The girl can't even take care of a dog (she is the one I adopted my dog from), let alone a baby.
Since then, things between her boyfriend (John) have been rocky. He has a SEVERE drinking problem. He treats her like shit and is drunk 90% of the time. Seriously, the guy wakes up and has a beer. Its insane. The last month or so, Sarah has tried to crack down on it. She keeps threatening things if he doesn't get it under control. He does it again, though, and she just keeps forgiving him.
Recently (okay like 2 days ago), John called AA to see what it takes for him to start coming to meetings. He has to come in for an "interview" to see where he is at, and then he can start the Wednesday night meetings. So, he hasn't even started to go and Sarah has high hopes that this will change everything.
She comes into work tonight and says she has something big to tell me. She stands in front of me for a long time, and then pulls out this pregnancy test to show it to me. Good, God I almost crapped myself. I could give 1,001 reasons why she should NOT have a child.
I will have to write more about this later. I am pretty upset. I spent about 20 minutes crying about it after she left.
K.

Armed Robbery...

So, yeah. I got back into town on Sunday night after seeing my Dad in Winona. I had to go to a work meeting. We needed to figure out what everybody's schedule was going to be like over the holidays. When I walked in, they asked me if I heard the news.
I guess on Saturday night, the gas station was robbed. Zimmer was working, because I was out of town. He was in the restroom and he saw a shadow walk by the window (its made of those glass blocks). When you see this, you usually have to hurry up since a customer is obiviously coming into the store. Well, he came out to find a guy in a mask. He kinda giggled at first because he thought it was a joke. Then the guy pulled out his pistol and led him back to the office. He cleaned out the safe while his buddy cleaned out the drawer in the front. Zimmer was told to keep his head on the wall, stay on his knees and keep his hands behind his back while he held the pistol to the back of his head.
Needless to say I have been a bit in shock for the last couple days. First of all, the person that did this, knew their shit. They knew our routine. If they knew our routine, they knew that I was supposed to be there. I work that same shift every week. It is probably somebody I have seen in here a million times, and probably somebody I shot the shit with.
I am here at work freezing and paranoid. I don't want to pee, but the cold doesn't help.

Bored.

I am sitting in Jake's office while Josh and him jam on guitars in the basement.

The music is disorganized, loud and abnoxious.

I want to go home beacause I have nothing to do right now.

I can feel the bass on the bottoms of my feet... and I'm hungry.

I love Josh.

Happy Belated Thanksgiving!!

SOOOOOooo tired. I woke up at 7 am yesterday to hit the road early. Josh and I went to Austin, MN for Thanksgiving at my Grandma's. It was a pretty good time. I hadn't seen my cousins Emily and Sammy in over a year. It was nice to see them again. Emily is like 13 now... so weird! She is a freshman in high school!! So bizzare to see her that tall and that old. Before we went, I forgot to inform Josh that Sammy was autistic (not sure that is how you spell that). I guess I didnt really think about it. Apparently (I wasn't actually present), Sammy just went and sat on his lap after they exchanged "Hello, nice to meet you." It kinda shocked and surprised Josh. Whops! All together it was a good time, though.
I have been emailing back and forth with Mary and Tom (my half siblings) all day. I was trying to figure out when Dad was actually suppsed to be home. I guess he was supposed to fly in today but nobody has heard from him. I keep tyring his cell phone, though!! All I can do is hope I will get a hold of him one of these times! I am soooo freakin' excited to talk to him. I was playing around on their website today and found that photo. It is the best one I have seen yet. Its funny, though, because I have NEVER seen him smoke a cigar! :) I like it, though, because he actually looks relaxed. Every photo before that one has been him doing SOMETHING "business" related. He never looks happy and always looks exhausted and sad. I love it!!
I hope he is okay when he comes home. I hope that he doesn't suffer any severe problems after this all. I can't imagine the amount of emotional turmoil he has gone through.
I love him, and miss him dearly.

Hmmmm....

I am not really sure what I am going to write about... but I am bored. I have almost everything done at work. I wanted to be sure I would get out of here quick tonight. I want to leave Ames around 8 am to get to my Grandma's early. I am pretty pumped about going there for Thanksgiving. I haven't been to their house in Austin, MN forEVER! It has to have been about a year or so.
I am pretty excited to show Josh off some more. I think my Grandparents have met him once now. Aunt Lisa hasn't met him, and neither have BETS (Barb, Emily, Tim and Sammy). I would have brought the dogs along, but BETS have a big old lab. I'm not sure how she will respond to two small, energetic dogs. We decided to leave their asses at home! :) Sarah's boyfriend, John, offered to spend some time with them while we're gone. Even though we are driving back the same night... I still worry about them. John will take care of them. Sarah first suggested that we ask Michele to take care of them. Josh wont allow her to be in his house, though!! GO JOSH! I thought that was pretty hilarious!
I talked to my therapist on Monday. It appeared as though she already had a plan of action for the meeting, but I kinda changed that. First of all, I had to share the story of my engagement! I hadn't seen her since then (nearly a month) and I just had to tell her that! Then, I wanted to update her on my stepmom. I got a couple more vicious emails from her. I decided to just print them all off so she could actually see what a mean person she is. I also included the LONG letter I emailed to my Dad. That whole deal took up most of the hour we had together. It felt pretty good to get it out.
I will write more later!

Why would anybody do that?

I just don't understand the situation with my stepmom. She still wont talk to me. I tried to fix things... no progress. She either ignores what I have to say, or comes back with something. I had to email her today for two reasons. First, I needed to request that she give me Dad's cell phone (which comes into use ONLY after he comes back from Iraq) and the home phone (so I can try to get in contact with the kids). My cell phone busted about a week ago and I lost all my phone numbers. Second, I had to tell her that Josh and I are engaged. I suppose if I didn't tell her, I would be making and even larger effort to push her out of my life. Whatever.
She actually responded this time. She wrote the phone numbers and "Congrats on your engagement." Thats it. Nothing else. What the hell compels her to be such a horrible person to me? I don't understand what it is that I've done to her. I don't deserve this. I am so tired of her treating me like this. Its not like it has only bewen going on just recently. She has been doing this to me ALL MY LIFE. She puts a permanent, long lasting guilt trip on me.
The other interesting news of the week has to do with my Dad. I sent him a long letter about 2 weeks or so ago telling him exactly how I feel about this whole Pam situation. She told me that I "wasn't welcom to visit when Dad comes home from Iraq," and that was the last straw for me. I felt as though she no longer had the power over me to tell me when I can and cannot visit my father. Fuck her. I said it, though, in the nicest way possible. I didn't want Dad to get too upset while he is over there. I didn't want to get him involved at all, but it went too far. So, I haven't recieved a response from him. I am not TOO worried about it, though. I understand the pressure he is under and don't want to push it. BUT... a couple days ago I sent him an email telling him Josh and I are engaged. I figured I would at least get a "WOW" or something from him. NOTHING. I sent him an email today saying that I miss him a TON and love him a TON and hoped that I hadn't pissed him off too much. I assume this is the reason for the delayed response.
Not sure what to do... I don't want to stress TOO much. I'll just have to be patient and wait it out. Its my Dad, though, you know? MY DAD.

Here are some photos from dinner the other night. After I told Mom about the engagement, she asked that we all (Scott, Josh, me, Mom and Dan) got together for dinner sometime last week. We went to the Broiler and had a really nice meal. It was cool to get together with all of them for a change. I see them all... but rarely together. Mom bought Josh and I a couple gifts. She got one that includes ways for couples to show their love. The second is called "All About Us." Josh and I have already dove into it. It's really neat. All sorts of questions that spark interesting conversations between us. Very cool. Very nice night!

I need to post more!

I'm sorry... I had to do it. I added this photo I found on some random website. I finally quit my job at Old Chicago and now I only have one job! Who ho! It is a HUGE load off my shoulders. So... the only thing I do is the dispatcher job for the towing company. Thats why I think this photo is so funny.
Anywho... not much else is going on. I think I have decided that I am going to start at ISU next semester. I could probably take one more semester at DMACC, but I really wouldn't be saving THAT much money. I would still have to drive 30 miles to get to class every friggin' day. SO, I am on my way with that. I know what I want to do and I have motivation to get it done as fast as possible. There has been serious talk about Josh going back to finish, too. He just has to figure out his finacial aid business. My Mom said that since we are engaged now, she officially has permission to kick him in the ass about school! Sweet.
Josh switched to the kitchen at Old Chicago. He has finally retired from serving. Who ho!!! He is pretty pumped about it. The only downside (in his mind) is that he has to get up at 7 am to get to work on time. Bummer! It doesn't bother me any because now he actually comes to bed at the same time as me!! :) And, he also tends to get MORE sleep because of it. It is pretty common for him to stay up until 6 am on the night before he has nothing to do. The other nice thing is he will actually get a paycheck that is worth something! He wont have cash in his pocked all the time (which we all know he has a problem with) AND he will actually have FULL TIME HOURS!! This way he can get health insurance. Buying insulin for $90 a bottle is getting pretty ridiculous.
The plans for the wedding are going well. I am all pumped about getting to plan everything. By the end I will probably be totally sick of it. I will enjoy it while it lasts. Amy called me an "over-acheiver" because I already have a book with all sorts of ideas in it. I have been buying those wedding magazines to get my creative juices flowing. Anybody would probably think I am going overboard but I think you can never start too early. RIGHT?! :)
We would have LOVED to have the dogs be our ring bearer and flower girl... but I think they aren't obedient enough. Otis would freak out with all those people. He would be running around like mad. Roxy might do okay... but she is a little sissy girl. She would probably get scared. We want to envolve them still, but we aren't sure how yet. So, we've decided to have Denny and Amy's kids do it for us. Neither of us have family that is young enough to play the roll. Nicholas will be the biggest PIMP ring bearer EVER! Caitlyn will be our flower girl. I am freakin' excited!
It is so weird to think that a year, maybe year and a half, from now I will be married. Don' t get me wrong... I AM PUMPED! But, it is just a surreal feeling. I don't know how to explain it.
Well, I suppose I better go do some work! LATER!

So... I have some news. I guess I said it with the pic. Yup... Liz is engaged! It happened October 24th, 2006. I guess I will have to tell the story. Let me explain...
An ex-boyfriend of mine (who also happens to be a little psycho) got a hold of my phone number and started trying to get in contact with me. I had changed my phone number about 2 years ago to prevent him from calling or texting me. Anywho... he started off by telling me he wanted me back. Then, when he wasn't getting a positive response from me, he started making threats. Josh was getting progressively more and more upset about it. I have a lot of pride and I can't always let things be. I kind of always want the last word. I have to let my ex have a peice of my mind. Josh wanted me to let things be. I really couldn't understand why he was THAT upset about it. We ended up, on Monday, having a little spat about it. He was really upset and at one point blurted out, "LIZ! You don't understand how important this is to me! I was planning to propose to you on our 1 year anniversary!" He told me the whole story about how he was going to propose and everything.
So, the next day I was all gitty. I couldn't tell anyone, though, because it wasn't official. I couldn't contain myself so I went to the mall to check out some rings at the jewelry stores. I wanted to see how much a simple plain wedding band would cost me. I ended up finding a titanium ring that was "so Josh" and only cost me $90. I bought it!
I went to babysit Amy and Denny's kids that night while Josh was at work. While I was there I typed up a letter to him. I wrote basically about how much I loved him, how happy and lucky I was to have him in my life, etc. At the end I wrote... "and this is why I am asking..." He flipped the page over expecting to see something on the back. While he stayed confused I slipped the ring box on his lap.
So, thats it! We are engaged! I have told most of my family. The ones that don't know yet will find out soon enough. I am SOOOOOOO HAPPY!

I'M SO EXCITED! AND I JUST CAN'T HIDE IT!

I got an email from my Dad yesterday! It has probably been a month since I had heard from him. For those of you that don't know... he is in Iraq right now. He has been training and over there for a little over a year now. He has about another 8 months or so to go. Anyway... when he does get the chance to email, they are usually really short. He doesn't get much time to tool around there.
The one I got was actually fairly long!! It did make me tear up a bit. It tugs at my heart to hear him tell me how bad it is. All he does it work... no sleep... no play... nothing.
Anyway... he says he is getting leave in November. I imagine he can't tell me WHEN because it is still classified. I have already warned both jobs that I will need time off. There is NO WAY I am missing this. I can't wait.
Added to all the excitement of him being home is that he will be able to meet Josh! I have been dating him for 9 months and he still hasn't met him. He has been deployed the whole time. I know they will get along.
Anywho... I should go get some stuff done... I just wanted to share!
YAY!

WOW.

This is how I feel today! How perfect is that?! I am at the gas station again. This would be the second day in a row that I have pulled doubles between the two jobs. Yesterday I was at OC at 10:15 and was off around 3:15. I had to be at the gas station at 3:30. I went home, changed, and made it to work on time. Today I was in at Old Chicago at 10:15 and off at 2:45. I was supposed to be here at the gas station at 3, but was about 5 minutes late. They didn't seem to mind! :)
So, tomorrow is my day off from BOTH jobs. I get to sleep in and be lazy all I want. I only have to work Tuesday through Friday next week! Josh and I are going back to Council Bluffs/Omaha (his "home") for his buddy's wedding on Saturday. I am looking forward to getting out of town for the weekend. I need it! Sometimes Ames just gets to me. The college students rub me wrong most of the time. I don't really fit in with any crowd here. I am not a business person. I am not really considered "blue collar"... and I am SO NOT the average "student." I don't drink, I don't do drugs... so what do I do? I work... a lot.
I worked out my schedual so that I don't work more than one job in one day. It will be nice to not have to rush, rush, rush all day long. I also made myself TOTALLY UNAVAILABLE on Mondays from both jobs. That gives me one day a week to myself. Who ho! Watch, I will probably get totally bored on Mondays and have NOTHING to do. It will probably just become my cleaning/laundry day! Maybe Josh and I will take the dogs out to a park or something. We could use some time outside the house before it starts getting fridgid cold again.
Hey... I have a question for everyone...
WHICH IS REALLY WORSE FOR YOU... regular or diet soda?
Seriously, somebody answer this question for me. I remember when I was little my Mom wouldn't let me drink diet sodas because they weren't sure what the artificial sweetners did to you. I haven't really heard if this is true or not... that they are "bad" for you. I have recently started drinking diet sodas because Josh is diabetic. Any soda we have in the house can't really be regular. So... yeah... tell me what you know... or what you think.
I am going to go smoke and use the restroom. If anything strikes me worth writing about later, I will do so.
Peace.

SOOOOOO bored at work. I just thought I would check in, since it has been a while. I am at the BP. We've had a total of 2 tows since I have come in, the shop is closed, and I swear EVERYBODY left for the weekend. I have had nothing but regulars, most of them the drunks that live in the area and come in for cigarettes and beer. We are so slow that the tow truck drivers just go home and wait for something to come in. This means I am here all by myself. Nobody to talk to but drunks... oh, and we can't forget the stoners. They like to buy Cigarillos and Zig Zags and act like I don't know what they are up to. I'm not stupid! Anywho. Not much else is going on in my exciting life right now. I am working two jobs, with at average of 1 day a week off completely. I am always tired and tend to feel like poo most of the time (this is mostly due to my HORRIBLE diet of pizza from one job and snack food from the other). Starting next week it will be better, though. I changed my availability at Old Chicago so I don't have to work there in the morning and then bust ass to get to BP in the afternoon. That will give me some days to sleep in during the week.
I am really bummed I didn't go to school this semester. I thought working 2 jobs would help with the bordom. Even though I stay busy, I don't feel like I am doing much that is actually productive. I am not using my brain! My work is mindless! I actually sat down the other day and thought of topics I could research and write about... just for the fun of it! How ridiculous is that?! :)
What else... oh. I finally made an appointment with a therapist. I probably should have done that about a year ago... but I was in denile. My anxiety is getting progressively worse even though I'm still on medication. I know better than most that you can't take care of your issues with just medication (even if it IS a chemical imbalance). I've learned that you must find help with coping skills and talking through whats going on. I see her on Wednesday. We'll see how it goes. I NEED TO FACE MY FEARS!!!
EEEeeeeek!

What a JOB!

I just landed a second job about 5 days ago. I have been working every day since. It is a gas station/towing service/shop. So, not only do I get to be a cashier, I also get to deal with people getting their cars fixed AND those that are pissed about their cars getting towed! Super! I actually like it, though. The people I work with are super nice, really laid back and fun. Plus, weird people come in here all the time. They entertain me. I guess I will be done with training sometime at the beginning of next week. It should be fun to be all alone at night.
I get to dick around on the computer while it is slow. You will probably see a lot more entries because of this. Yay!
Thats all I had for ya. Lame-O.

Oh, relationships...

I wrote this in my journal the other day and I really think more people should see it. I think there are some valuable things to learn from at least some of this... and I hope that some people might take advantage of it. So, here it goes.

I wanted to write a little about relationships. Josh and I are doing fantastic and it has given me some insight on what makes a successful relationship. Here are some of my key points...

*PATIENCE: Not in the in sense you might think of it as, although that is important, too. I think you need to think realistically. Just because you are madly in love with somebody 6 months into the relationship, doesn't mean you'll spend the rest of your life with that person. Things change, people change. The younger you are, the more likely you are to grow apart. Understanding this is key. Even talking about the possibility that you may not be together forever is, in my mind, healthy. It clears the air about issues you may be concerned about.
*KEEPING SOMETHING FOR YOURSELF: There always has to an escape for the both of you. You can't share everything. Need an example? What is MY escape? My journal is one! Granted, I do sometimes share thoughts with Josh that I jot down in my journal... but they don't always involve him. He respects my journal. He lets me write with no interruption, he doesn't read it, and doesn't even ask what I am writing about. My journal is MY OWN.
*GOOD COMMUNICATION: I am guilty of not doing this, myself! I tend to bottle up emotion and "issues" and refuse to talk to Josh about it without a fight. It is important to share your problems and issues (especially related to "us") in a civil and mature manner. A lot of times - its all about how you present it to them. Choose your words wisely and pick your battles. Consider that not everything is worth arguing about. Don't pick a fight that you'll forget about the next day. It really isn't worth it.
*MOST WOMEN OVER ANALYZE THINGS THEIR MEN SAY OR DO: Again, choose your battles, consider their viewpoint, and don't construe what they say or do into something it isn't!
*HAVE A SENSE OF HUMOR: I have come to realize that laughing off a potentially offensive comment is a lot easier and keeps me sane. Sometimes, they say stupid stuff and don't mean it the way it comes off. Reevaluate your perspective on the subject. Instead of getting defensive, agree to disagree. I have found myself laughing about a petty argument even minutes after we've "made up."
*STAY OPEN-MINDED: Everyone is entitled to their opinion. Thanks be to living in the USA! I think it is good to have those political and moral "talks" with your boyfriend or girlfriend. Seriously consider their viewpoint before you devalue their opinion. Really LISTEN to their argument. I realize that some moral values can make or break a relationship, but not every one of them! I, on the other hand, have managed to stay friends with 3 girls from VERY different "categories" than myself. Catholic, republican, anti-abortion, whatever they may be, I have been friends with them for 7 years. Some subjects don't matter to every day life. Make your point and move on. Who knows, maybe you will influence a change of heart some day. But, don't be pushy.
*WHAT ARE YOU WILLING TO SACRIFICE: We all know that you must sacrifice something in any relationship, whether it be big or small. But, what are you willing to give up? Can you deal with their addictions? Are you willing to help them? Are you willing to give up casual dating? Are you willing to give up time with family and/or friends? These are all questions I have had to ask myself. Some of them stopped the relationship in their tracks, others didn't. A lot of times it is up to the individual. What you are willing to give up for one person, may not be the same for another. Give and take!
*TAKE SOME TIME FOR JUST THE TWO OF YOU: So, you've probably heard that a thousand times. It is so important, though, that I've sacrificed sounding repetitive. Get away from work, the house, the kids, the pets, the friends, the family, the television, etc. Have nothing but each other and the ability to hold a conversation. Or not! Sometimes the best things communicated are without words. But, just TALK to each other. You'll be surprised about how much you will learn! Rediscover the traditional way of bonding with somebody without cell phones, the internet, etc.
*ALONG WITH THAT, SPEND SOME TIME WITH THEM IN DIFFERENT SETTINGS: See them with their family, with their friends, in any social situation, bumming around at home, with children, with another couple, with YOUR friends, with YOUR family, etc. It has always been a learning experience for me to see them in these settings. You may or may not like it, but it will definitely tell you more about them as a person.
*REALLY PAY ATTENTION TO THEIR FEELINGS: I was told I show all emotion in my eyes. Josh can always tell (even when I try to hide it) how I am feeling. Tune into their "dead give away" and pay attention to it! Even the little things count. Even though I don't pay attention to the latest baseball or football news, Josh enjoys telling me about it. I could care less about who the newest steroid user is, but I do my best to not only listen, but engage in the conversation. Find out what is important to them and try your best to share it with them! I have actually found that the seemingly useless facts about sports, music and movies have deemed themselves to be quite useful! I've learned a lot from him!

So, I guess that is all for now. I know there is much, much more to it. But, these are 10 that I find the most important!

Okay, okay...

I have realized that I have had a lot of negative posts lately. I don't mean to be such a downer! Things just haven't been going well for my lately. In light of that, though... I suppose I could say something positive for once!
I finally finished training at the new job. I served yesterday morning all by myself for the first time. That went very well. Then tonight was my first time serving at night. This was interesting. I was really busy right off the bat when I got their. I made about $80 before tipping out the bartender and the expo. I consider that to be a damn good night!
I had to borrow money from my Mom for rent and some other small bills. After that I got a paycheck (only $70) and started getting cash from serving. Right now... I am sitting pretty. I am still in debt, no doubt about that. But, after I get off work, I now have the ability to stop and get milk and soda... whatever I need! It is great! I am so happy that I am working again. I have worked for about 9 days straight now. Although I am pretty tired, it actually feels pretty good. I am actually accomplishing something... thats all I need!
Anywho... that is about all I have to say right now. I think I am going to cuddle up in bed and watch a movie or something. I don't work again until tomorrow night!

My Evil Stepmother...

So, my Dad got remarried WAAAAAY back when I was probably about 8 years old. He married a woman named Pamela. She is an interesting lady. She can be your best friend or your worst enemy, depending on whether you have crossed her lately. She is a very selfish, bitter and angry woman.
Around the time that I turned 18, I decided to try and reform the relationship I had with her and my Dad. I hadn't found much time to visit them (or, naturally, my half sister and brother). I really wanted to change that. So, I made a concious effort to visit more often, call when I could, and try to better our relationship in general.
It has been about 3 years since then and my Dad has been gone for 2 of them for deployment. I admitt that I should have found more time to visit while he has been gone. But honestly, it was harder for me to deal with his absence while I was there rather than at home. Recently, I was attempting to make plans to visit over Labor Day weekend. I had lost my job, so I didn't have to worry about taking work off. All I had to get in my way is money. Well, 2 weeks before I was supposed to go visit, I got a new job. I also didn't make the cut-off to request Labor Day weekend off.
I called Pam to tell her the news. She wouldn't let me explain why I can't go... she just said,
"Whatever, Elizabeth, I didn't expect you to actually come anyway." Obviously, she said a few other colorfull things, but I was frozed with shock. I was dumbfounded. I didn't know what to say!! I was completely blown away. I wanted to ask if the following weekend would work... but she didn't give me the opportunity. I got off the phone... after she hung up on me... and just sat there for a few minutes.
Then I realized, most of why I was so affected by it what was said, was because of past bullshit with her. I am not over some of the things she did to me like I thought I was. I thought it would be easy to just let go. I spoke too soon. I don't really know where to go from here. I wrote her a letter (telling her EXACTLY how I feel) but I don't feel I could EVER send it to her. I fear that if I cause problems between her and I, that it will cause problems between my Dad and I and the kids and I.
She is truely the evil stepmother from Cinderella.

Things I've learned...

*Never take advantage of life. Treat everyday at it is your last. Treat people as though they may pass away the second they leave the house, work or school. You never know when people will die.
*Your parents actually know a thing or two! If you think they are being "unfair", they are probably doing it because they love you! They have mostly likely gone through a similar situation. Take their advice seriously! One day you WILL say... "you were right."
*If you doubt something you are doing or about to do, DON'T do it.
*Things change. So do relationships. The younger you are, the less likely he/she is the ONE. It happens, but very rarely.
*Regular dishwashing liquid DOESN'T work in the dishwasher. Nice try, Mom.
*Your parents know you better than most anybody else (in most cases).
*Don't take advice from the friend who never takes yours.
*Sometimes you have to give up your pride once in a while to get to your ultimate goal.
*Dating somebody on a lower intelligence level can be difficult on many levels, and really boring.
*A guy's hygiene can tell you a lot about his personality.
*A dog really can be your best friend.
*Sometimes crying is all you need to make you feel better.
*Buying new underwear always makes you feel better.
*You change a lot between the ages 18 and 21. I still don't know everything there is to know.
*You can always learn something new. Never stop learning.
*Television rots your brain. Try doing something else for an hour instead of watching the tube.
*Some people's opinions will never change. Agree to disagree, move on, and focus on the good things.
*Instead of giving a homeless person money, give him/her a newspaper (look for a job) and bottled water (so they can refill it).
*Failure is not falling down, but staying down.
*Don't be afraid to ask for help or ask questions.

The New Job...

So last night was a bit of a dissapointment. A Friday night at a restaurant was a bad night to have my first night. They are REALLY disorganized! I will stick it through all the way into my training. I guess their manager that normally takes care of new employees has been on vacation. They said they have had a lot of people get a couple days into their training and they quit. I can't imagine why!! I just don't have the luxury of being choosey about where I work.
We'll see how it goes!

YA!!!

I got a job, I got a job. I got a job hey, hey, hey, HEY! Oh, yeah. I got a job. I had my second interview today. He almost immediatly offered me the job. I go in tomorrow to get the paperwork done and I start this weekend. WHO HO!!
Oh, its at Old Chicago... in case you were wondering. :)

Joshua

I really do love Joshua, my boyfriend. I try not to compare this relationship with my last... but it is almost impossible for me. I learned so much from my relationship with Sean, which lasted nearly 4 years. We are still on good terms, and we do talk from time to time. I don't neccessarily compare what is BAD about my new relationship with Josh... but what is SOOOOO much better with him. I guess I can share...
Josh loves me more than life itself. He believes that I am the best thing that could have happened to him. We don't fight. The "little things" are worked out with a civil conversation between two ADULTS. We are very similar in terms of our social lives. We both have 1 or 2 very close friends. We are both what you might call "hermits." We don't like to go out all the time. We value quality time at home rather than going to the bars every night. We have very similar tastes in music, movies and books. We have similar moral values. We are on the same intelligence level (although I think he is way smarter than I, he doesn't agree). We challenge eachother in that we both have strong knowledge in different areas. We compliment eachother very well.
So... what is bad? What drives me crazy? What do I have to compromise on? First, there are the little things. These things are ones I can deal with.... not that big of a deal. Well, he is kind of a slob. I don't mind clutter (although it will get to me after a while) but I CAN'T deal with germs. I am a germaphobe. I can't stand a dirty kitchen or bathroom. So, that has been a challenge for us to keep eachother happy on. He also enjoys the trees, if you know what I mean. I, being a criminal justice major, will, at some point, have to stop that. I have fairly liberal views on that, but it is still against the law.
Last but not least, is the thing that drives me the MOST crazy. The thing that COULD potentially be the death of us... if it isn't controlled. He it TERRIBLE with money. His credit is screwed. He has outstanding bills all over the place. Because of this, I have tried to help him out, only to put myself in the hole. I hate having debt. I hate owing people money. I can't deal with another person's debt, too.
I am not sure what brought this thought on...
I just felt like getting it out.
Peace.

The new place...

So, here are some photos of the new place. Obviously, you can see that there is a photo of the kitchen and the livingroom. The third photo is of the "hallway." Off of this hallway are the 3 bedrooms and one bathroom. The other bathroom is off of my bedroom. The last photos was taken in front of my building. It is a great neighborhood! NO college students! I am surrounded by single family homes... oh, and the hospital. Enjoy!

I am in a fabulous mood today. I got a message over Facebook from a girl I used to work with at Olde Main. She said that she was now working at the Broiler (a fancy restaurant in Ames) and that they were hiring. She also said that she had talked to the 2 owners who said that as long as she vouched for me, I almost certainly had a job! YEAH! Then, after I got home from doing laundry at my Mom's last night, I saw a message on my cell phone. Old Chicago had left me a message asking if they could schedule a interview with me! YEAH, again!!
I am so pumped! I am bored out of my gourd and want nothing but to start working again!

Just wanted to share this...

I got to go to a George Thorogood concert about a week ago. I just thought I would brag. It was awesome. I was only able to get one photo... since security was surprisingly tight. I was probably the youngest person there!
My Mom bought ticket for me, Josh and herself. All three of us went to Val Air Ballroom. It was funny to see my Mom jammin' out. Thorogood is great on stage. He was really fun to watch. So, even though the place HAD to have been about 100 degrees, and I had to stand up the whole time... it was GREAT! I highly suggest seeing one of his shows!

FINALLY!

I finally got the internet hooked up at my new place. But, I am still using my Mom's laptop so I can't quite do everything. I yelled at ICS (our wireless internet provider) on the phone the other day. It literally took a week for me to get a hold of them. I left SEVERAL messages and nobody would get back to me. I was losing patients. But, I woke up this morning and the internet magically started working. WHAT A MESS! I don't have much else to say right now. I just wanted to let everyone know I was back online. It is silly how adicted to the internet I am. Wow. :)

Officially hitting rock bottom....

So... to anyone who reads this (most likely just "Willy")... I am, like I said, officially hitting rock bottom. I have been without a job for some time now. Not only am I flat broke, I am going crazy having all this free time. Don't get me wrong, I have plenty of hobbies to catch up on... but I can't take anymore daytime television. I am going nuts! I actually didn't realize how far down I was until this morning when I woke up.
I realized that I literally had NO money. This doesn't mean that I have a few dollars stashed away in my savings account... this mean I have NO money. I had about $6.00 in change until I bought 2 gallons of gas with it this afternoon. The gas station attendant wasn't too happy about the quarters, nickels and dimes. I wouldn't bother with the gas (since Ames has the WONDERFUL CyRide bus system) but I have to have transportation to go apply for jobs and go to interviews (IF I ever get one). Some of the job locations don't fall along any bus routes. This is a vicious circle I am caught in.
My Mom brought over some random things for me to eat. I will be living off of primarily Ramen noodles, Cherios without milk, and bananas. I smoked my last cigarette about 2 hours ago. I guess this is a good time as any for me to quit. If I can't afford food, I sure as hell can't support my ridiculous addiction to nicotine. It will be tough, though. It surely wont help with my stress level at this point.
I swear I have encountered more rude people at grocery stores and gas stations lately then ever before. I want to scream at them! "At least you HAVE a job!" A note to all you who hate your jobs and treat customers or coworkers like crap.... really reflect on your situation. Can you pay your rent? I can't. Can you pay your car payment or insurance? I can't. Can you buy food for yourself or even enjoy the luxury of eating out once in a while? I can't. Can you pay your co-pay for your prescriptions that sustain your life or sanity? I can't... and neither can my diabetic boyfriend. I want to tell those people that I should have their job. I would appreciate it more... and make more of an effort.
I have never felt this terrible about my life and myself EVER before. I am ashamed, embarrassed, and disappointed with my situation. I am so upset with myself. I feel like there is something more I should be doing... or should have done. I feel totally helpless and depressed.
I have to go now because I just found out that my boyfriend has disappeared. I will write more later....

Just so you know...

I have a TON of stuff to write about. I have been moving for the last week or so, though, so I haven't had time... or a computer... to write. As soon as I get my computer/internet hooked up, I will write until my heart is content.
I know... it is hard to be patient! :)
-LIZ

Still no calls...

No calls for any jobs yet. I guess it has only been a day. I did get a lot of packing AND even some moving done! It feels like July just passed by in a week. I have to start school again soon. I am excited about going back, though. I have been pretty bored all summer. Time flew by!

I am officially UNEMPLOYED.

So... it happened. Jamie called Josh and I and asked us to come in this morning. We, of course, already knew what was going to happen. I went first. I told Jamie I took full responsibility for what I did. I also explained to him that is was MY fault that we were late. I was the one that set the alarm wrong the night before. I BEGGED him to spare Josh's job. I explained to him that it is easier for me to pick up and find another job. Josh, on the other hand, is diabetic. He CAN'T afford his insulin without health insurance (he gets his through OMBC). I told him Josh and I are willing to do whatever it takes to secure his job.
That, of course, didn't faze him because he is a cold hearted, horrible person. I know there has GOT to be some good in that man somewhere... I just wish he would show it to people once in a while. Maybe people would respect and listen to him more often.
So, Josh and I are now unemployed. I applied about 6 different places today. Hopefully I will be getting a call soon. Having a roof over my head is pretty imporant to me... I can't pay rent without a job. I don't even care what I DO! It could be the poopiest work EVER! I don't care. I just want to start fresh and remove myself totally from that place. I don't want to think about it anymore!
The End... no more talk about it!

CUTE!

I thought this little guy was cute, and I needed some cheering up...
RAR!

I am going to complain for a while...

Excuse my language... but today's topic is a BITCH FEST. I am going to wine and complain for a while. You may want to look away.
So, Josh and I woke up a little late today. It was my fault, I set the alarm for PM, instead of AM. Don't laugh, you know you've done the same thing! :) Anyway, I knew we were going to be late for work because we still had to take the dogs out. So, I called in and said we were going to be a little late. We'll be there as soon as we can! Anyway, we showed up about 15 minutes late for work. The restaurant was already busy so I could tell I was going to have to dive right in (not the best way to start your day). We didn't get that far. Jamie (the restaurant's GM) told us to turn around and go home. He said he would call us after lunch was over and he was calmed down. He actually said something to the effect of "turn your 'butts' around and go home." How nice. He is such a pleasant man. Josh and I looked at him in disbelief and walked out. Josh and I will probably get fired later today... when he calls, of course.
Here is a little background on Jamie. I understand that this was my fault and the fact that he was a dick about it was mostly warrented. BUT... I must explain that he has had it out for Josh and I for some time now.
When Josh and I started dating, I had quit managing (surprise, surprise... I couldn't handle working so closely with Jamie) and Josh was about to get his promotion to management. We starting dating and things were fine. Apparently somebody complained that they were made "uncomfortable" by Josh slapping be on my bum one day at work. So, because of this, Jamie had to have a 'chat' with us. I told him that we were totally capable of keeping our hands of eachother... but I wondered why it was inappropriate for my own boyfriend to do that... but it was okay for a kitchen employee to grab my pant line and attempt to look down my pants (long story... but it happened). The incident with this guy from the kitchen was never taken care of after I brought it to Jamie, and the employee was a freakin' supervisor, no less. WOW. Does it sound a bit like he may be picking on us a bit?
Here is some more in case you still need convincing. There are at least two servers at the restaurant that are ALWAYS late for their shift. Not once a week, or even a couple times a week but EVERY shift they work. It could be anywhere from 10 to 45 minutes late. They don't call ahead of time and they don't provide an explanation for why they are late. They just walk in... unnoticed and NEVER repremanded. So... believe me yet? Yeah. He is a JACKA$$ for lack of a better word.
I am not too worried about loosing my job. I know that I can find something else. I love the people I work WITH... but I know I can go in a visit, or call them anytime. Josh, on the other hand, can't afford to loose his job for any amount of time. He is diabetic and can't buy insulin without insurance. That stuff is like $80 a vile. NUTS. So, I have decided that when Jamie does call (and I assume ask us to come in and talk), I will ask him to spare Josh's job. I was to blame today, I should be the only one punished. I hope he hears me out. Wish me good luck, everyone!

Topic today is...

Why do I scare people? I have been told many times that I am a very intimidating individual upon meeting. Why is this? The short hair (it was really short back in the day), the tattoos, peircings (I don't have those anymore), the lack of shame, or the inability to keep my mouth shut?
I remember being at this get together after high school. You really couldn't call it a "party", there were only 5 or 6 people there. I was playing pool with this buy I went to high school with, and kicking his butt at it. He was mister hot shot in high school. He played football, worked out all the time, was SUPER CUTE, and was a complete jackass. So, our conversation during our time at the pool table was probably the first real conversation we have ever had. He said to me, "You have changed a LOT since high school!" What? What did he mean? I asked and he responded with, "Well, you always walked around like you were looking to kill somebody in school. I was afraid you were going to burn me with your cigarette." HA! Thats funny.
I've realized since then, that I put on this rough exterior around people I don't know well. I act tough, act like I don't care. The truth is, I am big, huge sissy on the inside. I am just like you. I get my feelings hurt, I cry sometimes, and I sometimes DO care what you think. I am not sure what brought this on with me. I don't know why I have to put on a protective layer.
When you take a second to get to know me, or get beyond that layer, I am a really nice person! I swear! I promise I wont burn you with my cigarette, and I don't bite!

Who will help?

I learned about this in a sociology class I took a couple years back. I can't remember what it is called but I DO remember it striking my interest. I will explain it in an example. That is about the only way I can describe it and still make sense.
Imagine a woman being mugged in the middle of the street at night. It is well lit, but the street is empty. The only witnesses are those in their houses or apartments. The example from sociology says that most people in most situations wont do a darn thing about it. They will assume, in their head, that "somebody else with do something." The circle goes around and around until it is all over. Nobody called the cops and the woman is on her own. Perhaps somebody will say something later. Maybe if the cops starts asking around... they may speak up. The point is... NOBODY helps her while it is happening.
Why is this? I have caught myself doing it before. I see somebody pulled over along the highway with their hood up. I assume they have either already called somebody, or somebody behind me will pull over to help them. I think to myself "I am a 5 foot 4 girl... I can't really defend myself in ALL situations" (I like to act tougher than I really am!). It is terrible that one has to think of that when deciding whether or not to help. The point is I am guilty, too.
It just frustrates me that this happens! What would I do in the mugging situation? Would I just assume somebody else will help? I guess I don't know unless I am forced into making that choice. What would you do? Think about how many times you passed somebody by. Think about it next time so see somebody pulled over on the side of the road. The least you can do it pull over, crack your window just to see if everything is okay... maybe check to see if they need to use your cell.
HMMMMMmmmm.

So... I've decided.

Okay... I was having trouble deciding what exactly I wanted to use this blog for. I journal all the time so my most intimate thoughts go there. Sorry people, my deep secrets are for my eyes only. I don't have much to write about day to day. This stage of my life is pretty humdrum (work, eat, sleep, socialize when I feel like it, go to school, worry about money, etc). So, thats out. I love sharing photos, but those aren't that interesting either.
Anywho... this is what I have decided. I will pick a topic once a day (more like once every other day when I get down to it) and write about it. I will also include what I like to call "smile sightings." This is something I learned from my Aunt Lisa. You take a second out of your day to tell somebody about something throughout the day that you saw, or heard, that made you smile. Need an example? I saw this old man walking down the sidewalk along Lincoln Way (one of the busy streets in Ames). Doesn't seem that interesting until I looked a little closer. He was an adorable old man (if you know me... you know I LOVE the elderly) and he was carrying a back pack. It isn't every day that you see that. I imagined that he just decided to take a walk that day (whether he had a destination in mind or not) and took his back pack with him. He might have a water bottle in there or something. I can't explain really why it made me smile, but it did.
So thats the deal. I will include other random things as they come, too. I guess I will start tonight! I already have a weeks worth of topics.

Memorial for Tom Manatt

Here are a few photos I took of the memorial for Tom Manatt. It was finished about two months ago.

Another person I think I should recognize...

After posting the thing about Ben Petersen, I decided there is somebody else who has passed that I should recognize. Thomas Manatt. Tom is my best friend, Sarah Manatt's, father. Last summer (about a year and 2 months ago) he went on a canoeing trip with his youngest son (17 at the time) Rob Manatt. They were going down the Skunk River just north of Ames. They approached a damn along the way. Using his judgment, Tom decided that they could make it over and through without problems. He was wrong. They went over and capsized. Rob was wearing a life jacket, Tom was not. Tom, being a avid outdoorsmen and big man, thought he would be able to handle himself. He was wrong again. They think he may have hit his head somewhere along the way. He was caught by the current and drowned in about 4 feet of water. Rob tried his best to reach his father, but was beginning to get caught in the same current. He went to the shore, kicked off his shoes and ran (through the middle of the woods) to their vehicle. When he got there, he smashed in the door to get to the cell phone to call 911. Tom was found down stream. How devestating. Rob went to the hospital and recieved treatment ONLY for the wounds on his feet from running stocking foot through the woods.
Sarah was living in Idaho at the time. Her mother was in Mexico on vacation with friends and was unreachable until she got off the plane. Sarah called me that afternoon hysterical. We cried on the phone together for at least an hour. She flew back as soon as she could get a flight. Her older brother, Sean, flew home from California shortly after. Her mother was told 2 days after it happened in the Des Moines airport. Can you imagine?
I went to the funeral. Tom Manatt owned a company called "Manatt's." It was a redimix/asphalt company here in Ames. For the funeral, they washed and waxed all the mixers and trucks and had them lined up in front of the church. He had built that company from the ground up. There was a wake. I don't do well at these things, but I did it for Sarah... and for my own peice of mind. I didn't truely believe he could be gone. He seemed to be the strongest man alive. Tom was like a father to me. I saw him more than my own father! He always teased me about my piercings and tattoos. So, in honor of him... I decided to take my tounge ring out. I place the barbel in his casket at the wake. I know it sounds corny... but it was our little thing. :)
A year later, they still had not burried his ashes. They were waiting for the perfect spot at the cemetary to be plotted and specially landscaped. They put him close to the road where the Manatt's trucks drive by everday. They planted a tree in honor of him. So, when it was all taken care of, they scheduled the burrial. I was there again. Still in awe of everything that was happening, I cried some more with Sarah.
This isn't the only devestation for this family. A month after Tom passed away, his older brother passed away. He was driving his truck with his son in the passenger seat (who happens to be Rob's same age) when he had a heart attack. He flipped the car. He passed away before an ambulance could arrive and his son walked away with a broken heart and some scratches. Eerie.
Then, shortly after the actual burrial date, Linda Manatt (Tom's widow) was diagnosed with cancer in her thyroid. She was put through surgery and radioactive treatment and seems to be doing better. How much can one family take? They are all strong and amazing people.
Everyone can learn a lesson from this. NEVER, EVER, EVER take advantage of life. Never hold back. If you want to tell somebody how much they mean to you... or tell them that you love them... DON'T hold back. It may be your only opportunity.

Almost time to move!

We move out of this apartment in one week. I am NOT prepared. I have packed a few boxes... I guess that is a start. I will probably end up doing everything in two days. Most of Josh's stuff is furniture, my stuff is mostly at my Mom's, and what I don't have packed are things we use on a daily basis. So, I have begun with cleaning. I cleaned and closed off the back bathroom so it doesn't get demolished again before we leave. I cleaned out the 55 gallon tank I got from Sean so we could transfer Bowser into it (the pic is of his new cage!). I have also been getting together clothes and other things for the garage sale my Mom and I are going to do after the move. I have a ton of stuff I don't use anymore. Not to mention the stuff I have managed to live without for 6 months. There has got to be some stuff in my Mom's attic I could sell. Anywho. I didn't really have much to say today. I hadn't written in a while, though so I thought I would give an update! I'll write more if the situation calls for it!

Sad news...

A guy that I went to high school with passed away last week. He was on the 5th floor balcony in this building. I guess he fell over the edge. I hear he didn't die on impact... he died on the way to Des Moines.
His name was Ben Petersen. He graduated a year or two ahead of me. He dated one of my best friends. I have been to parties with him. I had class with him last semester. He just got back from Iraq... and this happens. I was around campus town last night and wanted to stop a minute. I just wanted to THINK at that spot... seriously have some deep thought about what happened to him, and all the others that have died in the last year or two that I have known. There were too many drunk, idiot college students around, though. I took a picture to remind me. Life is short. It can be gone in an instant. Live your life as if it could be gone at any moment. Treat people like they may die tomorrow.
There was a small memorial with flowers and stuff next to the building. I felt like I wanted to add something. Maybe I still will. I noticed, though, that some idiots and taken some of the flowers and shredded them across the street. How evil of them. Some people just don't think.

Crazy Storm

We had the crazy storm in Ames the other day. I was hanging out at home on the West side of town and this HUGE wall cloud came at us. It was supposed to hail (although I never saw any). It seriously looked more like potential for tornados. It wins the prize for coolest storm I have ever chased. Here are a few photos of what it looked like.

My Girls...

These are my best friends in the whole world! The four of us became friends our freshman/sophmore year in highschool (about 6-7 years ago). This is the longest I have maintained a friendship EVER. I never stayed in contact with people after I moved away... which was almost yearly. With the pool cue is Lydia. She has been married for nearly a year now and just had her first son, Neville. Like her lovely tan lines? In the blue is Michele. She is attending ISU and doing extremely well. The one wearing black is Sarah. She attended message therapy school and is waiting to take her boards. We are all currently living in Ames still, although some of us have moved around. Lydia is waiting for her husband, Chris, to come back from Iraq. After that, she will be back in Clarksville. We'll miss you!

My Babies!

Naw, I don't have any kids... unless you count the two dogs and the boyfriend! Josh, my boyfriend, is obviously the one playing the guitar (this is one of his favorite past times). Otis, is the white and brown dog. He is the best dog I have ever had! He is actually Josh's dog, but I love him like he is mine. Roxy, the white dog, is the dog I adopted from my friend. This is honestly the best picture I have been able to get of her. The last photo is Bowser, our beared dragon. We got him for free from a friend and have since become very attached. He looks a little scary, but trust me... he is great. So, as you can see, we have a full house! It can be a little much sometimes, but I wouldn't want it any other way. Otis is my buddy and Roxy keeps my lap warm. Bowser entertains me and well... Josh LOVES me! :)

This is my Dad! He is on his second tour in the last three years. This time, he is in Iraq. I miss him A TON! He wont be back home until my 22nd birthday (approx. another 9 months). I get emails once in a while, but they are always short and to the point. He doesn't have much time. He was just promoted to Sgt. Major before he was deployed. I am very proud to be his daughter... proud enough that I got a tattoo in honor of him. He deserves it!
SUPPORT THE TROOPS! (even if you don't agree with the war...)

I REALLY don't know what I am doing!

This is a first for me. I am not really sure what the heck a blog is! All I know, is that it looks fun! I love sharing photos with family and friends, and I love you write... seems to fit nicely. We will see what comes of this. My journals never tend to get finished. Lets hope I can stay committed! :)