My Evil Stepmother...

So, my Dad got remarried WAAAAAY back when I was probably about 8 years old. He married a woman named Pamela. She is an interesting lady. She can be your best friend or your worst enemy, depending on whether you have crossed her lately. She is a very selfish, bitter and angry woman.
Around the time that I turned 18, I decided to try and reform the relationship I had with her and my Dad. I hadn't found much time to visit them (or, naturally, my half sister and brother). I really wanted to change that. So, I made a concious effort to visit more often, call when I could, and try to better our relationship in general.
It has been about 3 years since then and my Dad has been gone for 2 of them for deployment. I admitt that I should have found more time to visit while he has been gone. But honestly, it was harder for me to deal with his absence while I was there rather than at home. Recently, I was attempting to make plans to visit over Labor Day weekend. I had lost my job, so I didn't have to worry about taking work off. All I had to get in my way is money. Well, 2 weeks before I was supposed to go visit, I got a new job. I also didn't make the cut-off to request Labor Day weekend off.
I called Pam to tell her the news. She wouldn't let me explain why I can't go... she just said,
"Whatever, Elizabeth, I didn't expect you to actually come anyway." Obviously, she said a few other colorfull things, but I was frozed with shock. I was dumbfounded. I didn't know what to say!! I was completely blown away. I wanted to ask if the following weekend would work... but she didn't give me the opportunity. I got off the phone... after she hung up on me... and just sat there for a few minutes.
Then I realized, most of why I was so affected by it what was said, was because of past bullshit with her. I am not over some of the things she did to me like I thought I was. I thought it would be easy to just let go. I spoke too soon. I don't really know where to go from here. I wrote her a letter (telling her EXACTLY how I feel) but I don't feel I could EVER send it to her. I fear that if I cause problems between her and I, that it will cause problems between my Dad and I and the kids and I.
She is truely the evil stepmother from Cinderella.

Things I've learned...

*Never take advantage of life. Treat everyday at it is your last. Treat people as though they may pass away the second they leave the house, work or school. You never know when people will die.
*Your parents actually know a thing or two! If you think they are being "unfair", they are probably doing it because they love you! They have mostly likely gone through a similar situation. Take their advice seriously! One day you WILL say... "you were right."
*If you doubt something you are doing or about to do, DON'T do it.
*Things change. So do relationships. The younger you are, the less likely he/she is the ONE. It happens, but very rarely.
*Regular dishwashing liquid DOESN'T work in the dishwasher. Nice try, Mom.
*Your parents know you better than most anybody else (in most cases).
*Don't take advice from the friend who never takes yours.
*Sometimes you have to give up your pride once in a while to get to your ultimate goal.
*Dating somebody on a lower intelligence level can be difficult on many levels, and really boring.
*A guy's hygiene can tell you a lot about his personality.
*A dog really can be your best friend.
*Sometimes crying is all you need to make you feel better.
*Buying new underwear always makes you feel better.
*You change a lot between the ages 18 and 21. I still don't know everything there is to know.
*You can always learn something new. Never stop learning.
*Television rots your brain. Try doing something else for an hour instead of watching the tube.
*Some people's opinions will never change. Agree to disagree, move on, and focus on the good things.
*Instead of giving a homeless person money, give him/her a newspaper (look for a job) and bottled water (so they can refill it).
*Failure is not falling down, but staying down.
*Don't be afraid to ask for help or ask questions.

The New Job...

So last night was a bit of a dissapointment. A Friday night at a restaurant was a bad night to have my first night. They are REALLY disorganized! I will stick it through all the way into my training. I guess their manager that normally takes care of new employees has been on vacation. They said they have had a lot of people get a couple days into their training and they quit. I can't imagine why!! I just don't have the luxury of being choosey about where I work.
We'll see how it goes!

YA!!!

I got a job, I got a job. I got a job hey, hey, hey, HEY! Oh, yeah. I got a job. I had my second interview today. He almost immediatly offered me the job. I go in tomorrow to get the paperwork done and I start this weekend. WHO HO!!
Oh, its at Old Chicago... in case you were wondering. :)

Joshua

I really do love Joshua, my boyfriend. I try not to compare this relationship with my last... but it is almost impossible for me. I learned so much from my relationship with Sean, which lasted nearly 4 years. We are still on good terms, and we do talk from time to time. I don't neccessarily compare what is BAD about my new relationship with Josh... but what is SOOOOO much better with him. I guess I can share...
Josh loves me more than life itself. He believes that I am the best thing that could have happened to him. We don't fight. The "little things" are worked out with a civil conversation between two ADULTS. We are very similar in terms of our social lives. We both have 1 or 2 very close friends. We are both what you might call "hermits." We don't like to go out all the time. We value quality time at home rather than going to the bars every night. We have very similar tastes in music, movies and books. We have similar moral values. We are on the same intelligence level (although I think he is way smarter than I, he doesn't agree). We challenge eachother in that we both have strong knowledge in different areas. We compliment eachother very well.
So... what is bad? What drives me crazy? What do I have to compromise on? First, there are the little things. These things are ones I can deal with.... not that big of a deal. Well, he is kind of a slob. I don't mind clutter (although it will get to me after a while) but I CAN'T deal with germs. I am a germaphobe. I can't stand a dirty kitchen or bathroom. So, that has been a challenge for us to keep eachother happy on. He also enjoys the trees, if you know what I mean. I, being a criminal justice major, will, at some point, have to stop that. I have fairly liberal views on that, but it is still against the law.
Last but not least, is the thing that drives me the MOST crazy. The thing that COULD potentially be the death of us... if it isn't controlled. He it TERRIBLE with money. His credit is screwed. He has outstanding bills all over the place. Because of this, I have tried to help him out, only to put myself in the hole. I hate having debt. I hate owing people money. I can't deal with another person's debt, too.
I am not sure what brought this thought on...
I just felt like getting it out.
Peace.

The new place...

So, here are some photos of the new place. Obviously, you can see that there is a photo of the kitchen and the livingroom. The third photo is of the "hallway." Off of this hallway are the 3 bedrooms and one bathroom. The other bathroom is off of my bedroom. The last photos was taken in front of my building. It is a great neighborhood! NO college students! I am surrounded by single family homes... oh, and the hospital. Enjoy!

I am in a fabulous mood today. I got a message over Facebook from a girl I used to work with at Olde Main. She said that she was now working at the Broiler (a fancy restaurant in Ames) and that they were hiring. She also said that she had talked to the 2 owners who said that as long as she vouched for me, I almost certainly had a job! YEAH! Then, after I got home from doing laundry at my Mom's last night, I saw a message on my cell phone. Old Chicago had left me a message asking if they could schedule a interview with me! YEAH, again!!
I am so pumped! I am bored out of my gourd and want nothing but to start working again!

Just wanted to share this...

I got to go to a George Thorogood concert about a week ago. I just thought I would brag. It was awesome. I was only able to get one photo... since security was surprisingly tight. I was probably the youngest person there!
My Mom bought ticket for me, Josh and herself. All three of us went to Val Air Ballroom. It was funny to see my Mom jammin' out. Thorogood is great on stage. He was really fun to watch. So, even though the place HAD to have been about 100 degrees, and I had to stand up the whole time... it was GREAT! I highly suggest seeing one of his shows!

FINALLY!

I finally got the internet hooked up at my new place. But, I am still using my Mom's laptop so I can't quite do everything. I yelled at ICS (our wireless internet provider) on the phone the other day. It literally took a week for me to get a hold of them. I left SEVERAL messages and nobody would get back to me. I was losing patients. But, I woke up this morning and the internet magically started working. WHAT A MESS! I don't have much else to say right now. I just wanted to let everyone know I was back online. It is silly how adicted to the internet I am. Wow. :)

Officially hitting rock bottom....

So... to anyone who reads this (most likely just "Willy")... I am, like I said, officially hitting rock bottom. I have been without a job for some time now. Not only am I flat broke, I am going crazy having all this free time. Don't get me wrong, I have plenty of hobbies to catch up on... but I can't take anymore daytime television. I am going nuts! I actually didn't realize how far down I was until this morning when I woke up.
I realized that I literally had NO money. This doesn't mean that I have a few dollars stashed away in my savings account... this mean I have NO money. I had about $6.00 in change until I bought 2 gallons of gas with it this afternoon. The gas station attendant wasn't too happy about the quarters, nickels and dimes. I wouldn't bother with the gas (since Ames has the WONDERFUL CyRide bus system) but I have to have transportation to go apply for jobs and go to interviews (IF I ever get one). Some of the job locations don't fall along any bus routes. This is a vicious circle I am caught in.
My Mom brought over some random things for me to eat. I will be living off of primarily Ramen noodles, Cherios without milk, and bananas. I smoked my last cigarette about 2 hours ago. I guess this is a good time as any for me to quit. If I can't afford food, I sure as hell can't support my ridiculous addiction to nicotine. It will be tough, though. It surely wont help with my stress level at this point.
I swear I have encountered more rude people at grocery stores and gas stations lately then ever before. I want to scream at them! "At least you HAVE a job!" A note to all you who hate your jobs and treat customers or coworkers like crap.... really reflect on your situation. Can you pay your rent? I can't. Can you pay your car payment or insurance? I can't. Can you buy food for yourself or even enjoy the luxury of eating out once in a while? I can't. Can you pay your co-pay for your prescriptions that sustain your life or sanity? I can't... and neither can my diabetic boyfriend. I want to tell those people that I should have their job. I would appreciate it more... and make more of an effort.
I have never felt this terrible about my life and myself EVER before. I am ashamed, embarrassed, and disappointed with my situation. I am so upset with myself. I feel like there is something more I should be doing... or should have done. I feel totally helpless and depressed.
I have to go now because I just found out that my boyfriend has disappeared. I will write more later....

Just so you know...

I have a TON of stuff to write about. I have been moving for the last week or so, though, so I haven't had time... or a computer... to write. As soon as I get my computer/internet hooked up, I will write until my heart is content.
I know... it is hard to be patient! :)
-LIZ